Why Can't I Get Over this Lover? Psychic Newsletter

Happy Mother’s Day

I am often asked by heartbroken clients, “Why can’t I get over this wo/man?”

Psychic Advisors Can be Cowardly

This is an equal opportunity dis-ease. In a week, as many male clients will ask this question, as women. Sometimes the dis-ease has been compounded by a random psychic advisor who has assured them, their past love is missing them just as much and will be back begging their forgiveness before they can say, “howdy do”. I am not saying I’ve never seen this happen, but more often than not, the mourner never hears from their ex ever again unless they’ve initiated an interaction.

If a week has passed without a nudge from your ex, chances are high you never will – in my experience with these matters. And in most cases, IF you do hear from them after this point, chances are high that the person they left you for, has dumped them. You might even have jumped into the category of THE FALL BACK : The “just in case I’m lonely and horney in the future” wo/man. I know how horrible and painful this can be to acknowledge to ourselves but the sooner we accept this, the sooner we’re able to put everything between you in context.

“I dream about them, worry about their welfare, think about them every minute of the day, buy them expensive gifts, and adore them despite how little regard they obviously have towards me. Am I sick or what!?”

In a desperate bid to negotiate a rational explanation, some will decide they must have known this person in another life and divine providence has reunited them for another shot at bliss.

Two People Meant to be Together

This explanation is especially alluring if their meeting was synchronistic. Not being a proponent of reincarnation, I find this explanation eye-popping irrational. And well, yes bizarre. Why the divine would consider your need to resolve your supposed past life love issues worthy of such complicated cosmic machinations, is … well, inflated to be blunt. But then my notions of divine intervention are probably just as odd.

The notion there is one God and It is a “He” has always struck me as unnatural if not handy. My spiritual imagination is more inclined to conjure divinities who share one heck of a Teutonic and crazy sense of humour. Very occasionally they may observe us humans with detached, albeit affectionate curiosity. The notion that any one of them may take it upon themselves to interfere in our destiny (or allow any other spiritual entity to do so) is highly unlikely and would definitely strip them of opportunities for delight and amusement. No. I’m afraid your love life is your problem in every world.

Sex and Spirit

An especially favoured explanation of why two people are meant to be together is a mind-altering sexual connection. My grandmother, Christine, confessed to her daughter (my aunt) that she had never had such mind-altering sex as she’d had with my grandfather (Mert). Just how many lovers she’d had to set that bar, she had always been too coy to share. She was shocked and enraged to discover that my grandfather shared this amazing chemistry with a rather impressive array of other women.

One night she followed him in her own car to one of his girlfriend’s house armed with a baseball bat belonging to one of her sons. Once he was safely ensconced in the apartment (and the arms of his lover no doubt), my grandmother unleased her rage on his car. After decimating the lights, windows etc. she got back in her own car to go home and wait for his return.

Dashing in the house with his hair standing on end, struggling to explain how his car got bashed in while parked outside an apartment building on the other side of the city, he halted at the stink of something unnatural burning in the kitchen.
Upon arriving home, her rage unsatiated, my grandmother yanked the phone out of the wall (phones were not plug in and release in those days) and planted it on the stovetop’s lit element. The smell was terrifying according to my grandfather’s telling years later and the sight of the melted phone all over the stove, topped one of the most traumatic nights of Mert’s entire life. I think he described it as, “His life passing before his eyes…”

Terrorized one too many times by my grandmother’s jealous rages (and there were many), Mert did eventually leave my grandmother to run off with his secretary whom he remained partnered with until he died. My grandmother’s end was inglorious. She was the one who couldn’t get over her ex no matter how much she drank. Eventually drowning her sorrow, killed her.

We all have stories and lessons in our family of origin about how love can go sideways.

The moral of the story is that some are better performers at sex than others. Like any physical sport, there is the co-ordinated and those not so much. Rather like playing pool or solving puzzles. They have the knack and like anything else practice makes perfect…so… if your lover is especially skilled, don’t assume it’s because you have such a special connection, or ONLY you trigger such unbridled passion in them that it turns them into Casanova (who was exceedingly practiced by the way). Having great sex doesn’t mean you’re meant to be together forever or even that your lover is as impressed as you are re your sexual activity. Partners are often stunned to discover their lover was bored through most of their sexual interludes.

The Ability to Sustain Deeper Levels of Intimacy

Some are more comfortable with deeper levels of intimacy. You may be correct in discerning that the two of you have gone to depths of sharing, mutual joy and animal magnetism beyond the norm. It wasn’t superficial or even just fine. It was mind-blowing and sacred. You know they had to have felt it too.

True they might have felt it also, but they didn’t like it as much. Too vulnerable, needy, obsessive. Like you, when they were on their own without you around, they didn’t feel whole. They felt lonely, weak, exposed, and desperate. The joy of intimacy was not a good enough reason to feel this yearning, desperate neediness when apart. Better to be with someone who understands and plays by the game rules of how to avoid those scary deeper levels of intimacy, not someone who is galloping at it with unbridled enthusiasm.

That is what can make a relationship stick like crazy glue to your psyche.

Fear and Love are Primary and Opposite

There are two emotions that comprise the trunk of our emotional tree. Fear and love. The rest are branches and suckers that grow off this dual. Fear and love are opposite emotions. We cannot (or perhaps I should say, “should not”) feel both at the same time. When we are afraid, we cannot feel love and visa versa. We often mistakenly believe we cannot hate and love at the same time, but we can. When we are having difficulty letting go of that dream of the love we shared with someone, we are operating under two illusions. One is that we can help that person not to feel so afraid and thereby let the love flow back in again. We cannot support someone to be brave, daring, risk taking or honest. We can show them the path to joy rather like leading a horse to water. But we cannot make them drink.

The second illusion is that they prefer to feel love and will choose it freely once they realize how paltry life is without it.

Don’t feel abnormal or crazy because you love someone so much you can’t stop thinking about them. That is the risk you were willing to take. Be excited about your bravery and honesty. That is the gift of love. Know that by keeping up the faith and giving of yourself so generously and lovingly, someday another as brave as you will glean your light and rush towards its glow with the same abandonment in which you are prepared to give.

Have wonderful Mother’s Day. Celebrate the women in your life who guided you to trust in love and choose its bounty at any cost.

Blessings Kathleen

Quote
“the diviner, like the magician, experiences the power of encountering the spirits through the oracle. But unless she or he tells the client something dramatic and startling, that spiritual encounter may not transfer to the other person.”

The Tarot: Methods, Mastery, and More by Cynthia Giles

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